…::Suddenly I See::…

Heyy peeps!!

Okay for some odd reason, and God only knows the reason, I’m in a very unlike-me mood.

I don’t know but right now it’s almost midnight and I’m listening to KT Tunstall and Sara Bareilles…I’m not really sure if it’s because Suddenly I See and Bottle It Up have been my favorite songs to write poetry to since like forever ago or what but whatever.

Anyway, here’s a lowdown of my day:

Because I was headed back to the dorms today, I had to get up at the freakin butt crack of dawn at like 7am…Seriously, the whole vacay I had last week of sleeping in until noon came to a tragic, screeching halt. I woke up and was like “Screw me.” hahaha..

Anyway, I woke up and my mom  and I had to take care of some stuff in town before we left to Shawnee.

I begrudgingly graced the household with my optomism and my bright and sunny disposition (Haha..note the sarcasm)

Well, we did what we needed to do and then headed to Shawnee. It was an overall decent day. My dad and I had a really nice conversation about my US History book critique and then my portfolio, apparently he’s really excited about it.

Because I’m pretty famous at our house for leaving my journals open for the world to see, which opens up a whole other can of worms but anyway…a good dose of teen/young adult angst could do him a world of good in his old age (LOL!!) He needs some culture aside from sudoku or however in the world you spell it, sports, and the obituaries (which is just a tad bit morbid but I digress.) haha.

Like I was saying, he’s seen several collages in those journals and also the canvases that hang on my walls with different poems on them and he’s really excited to see me stick to something for 4 years.

Hang around our house very long and you will see boxes upon boxes upon boxes of journals with stories and poems that are a mix of half-way completed or actually complete…the former more so than the latter.

I really think that the drive of wanting him to say “Hallelujah!! Through obstacles and the different struggles that she encountered, and also that we as a family had to endure, she stuck with it and has this monster book of stuff she did over the years to look back on!! For once, she didn’t run. She didn’t quit. For once she stuck it out and has this accomplishment.” is really what’s pushing me to want to kick butt this semester. It’s making me want to study like I have never studied before. It’s making me want to put in extra effort to make a paper stand out.

Knowing my dad, he will be blubbering like a hyena but hey..what dad doesn’t cry over his daughter’s achievements? hahaha.

I swear, I am in one of the most random moods.

I’ve never had this where the most random thoughts pop into my head.

hahaha….I kinda like it. Hope it lasts.

I think it may have something to do with the fact that things with my family are going really great right now. 

It’s so funny that my dad has NEVER taken such a strong interest in what I’m doing in school. 

We were having lunch today and he kept asking ”What’s going on with school? What do you have going on this week? What’s going on next week? How’s that book review paper thing going since you were up until God knows when working on it. When you hand it in, can you make a copy of it?” 

I was like in shock and after a few seconds, I was like “Well, the usual and I would have to check my day planner to see what I’ve got going on. I’ve got my portfolio class tonight that I’m really excited about. The book critique is due in 2 weeks. I’m up to chapters 6 or 7 but I wish I was closer to finishing it. With this weather we’re supposed to get, I’ll have a lot of time to work on it and my goal is to get it done by Friday so I can spend next week proofing and making sure it’s perfect to hand in.” 

And then we started talking about Winter Jam in 2 weeks. 

To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m more surprised with his sudden interest in my education or the fact that he knows who the Newsboys and David Crowder are. 

Either are freakin’ awesome. hahaha. 

I’m really excited about him coming up and asking if I wanted to go. 

Wow…it’s late and my fingers hurt. hahaha. 

I really hope that things continue to stay like this and we can start fresh and become closer than ever before. 

I think this is the happiest I’ve been in quite some time and I just pray that it just intensifies. 

Aside from the crazy and random side of me, it’s time to get serious. 

Last week…I think it was last week…hahhaa..or the week before…

I was to the point of saying ”God, is it really worth it? Y’know…I’m here at Family of Faith and for what? What am I supposed to do here? Why am I here? Did I come here for the right reasons? Was it really You that brought me here or was it me looking for an easy way out? Remind me again of the shocking revelation that somehow popped in my pretty little head that said “Here’s a bright idea!! Go to Family of Faith!! Really, God?”

So after a few days of arguing with God….which really was pointless and served no purpose and we basically were just going in circles only to end up where we started…more questions…it kinda made me ponder if the relationship God and I share had just boiled down to a game of 20 questions….This is the part of the blog where Sarah, delirious from lack of sleep makes no sense at all at 12:30 at night.

After God, who was very blunt about this, told me to shut up and listen….after I did what He said because ticking off God really isn’t on my “Things to do” list at this point and time of my 20 years of existence.

Upon praying about a lot of stuff, He gave me this Scripture:

2 Corinthians 4:16

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

Essentially and I’m slowly sinking into oblivion and will make this short and sweet..

Essentially, He basically kind of reminded me to hold fast and basically make decisions based on what He wants me to do and not what Miss Sarah wants.

Anyway, I hate to end this but it’s hecka late and I’ve gotta be up for prayer and this is WAAAYY longer than I wanted, but oh well.

Night, peeps!!

Sarah out!