Okay so tonight was pretty epic. I spent a while soaking in the presence of God. It was soo awesome. Given the events of the past few days, I think the fact that this was very much needed is pretty much an understatement.
I was in the floor towards the back just letting God take over. I remember, I was on my face before God and I felt this peace like I've never known. I heard God say "Stop fighting. I hate to break it to you, child but you are not as strong as you think. It's time to stop fighting Me. Let Me be there for you." I felt God put His hand on my shoulder.
It was like all the pent-up frustration with everyone and everything just came out. I broke down in tears. The whole time God was next to me and in my mind, I kept thinking "I hate You...I hate You.."
I think this is proof God has a sense of humor because He was like "Hate all you want. I'm not going anywhere."
Who knew God using reverse psychology would work so well?? LOL!!
Anyway, as I was crying...note that at the end of the night, I looked like a raccoon with smeared mascara and carpet-hair from laying on the floor.
Anyway, as I was crying, God gave me the Scripture of Matthew 11:28 which states "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest".
I was still on my face before God and I felt Him move His hand from my shoulder and felt Him pick me up off the ground and dust me off. He reminded me of like a father taking His hurt child and holding them until they were comforted. I lost it completely at that point.
I was still crying and I kept telling Him that I wanted to be with Him again. This brought another Scripture into my heart, which was Matthew 6:24, which stated "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." It made me think...did I want to continue basically abandoning my One True Love, and do whatever whenever? Or did I want to leave the world behind and run back to my Perfect Lover, Perfect Friend and live the life and fulfill whatever He has called me be and do?
After so much pain and so much heartache for the past month or so, I don't want what the world has for me. I want my treasure in Christ. I want the inheritance He has promised me.
This was pretty much the awesomest night I've had with God in quite some time and I definitely needed it!!
Well, that's pretty much it!!
Peace out, Girl Scout!!
Love you,
<3 Sarah <3
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Mach 17, 2010- The Night My Life Changed Forever
March 17, 2010
Hey peeps.
A year ago tonight, I posted on Facebook:
“God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”
A year ago, I was at Bacone’s Wednesday Night Worship.
A lot of people don’t know this but I basically ran from God and went my own way. I spent 5 months out of church and wanting nothing to do with God. The dirty little secret…I was on the praise team pretending everything was just rainbows and sunshine when on the inside in the very depths of my heart, no one knew how much misery I was in.
A year ago tonight, I re-dedicated my heart and life to God.
A year ago tonight, my life was changed forever.
A year ago tonight, I got a glimpse of what has to be Heaven.
A year ago tonight, I was never the same.
A year ago tonight, I wrote this letter to God:
God,
I know that I’ve been a real bitch lately but there is so much that I feel has to be said.
God, I want to change once and for all. I can’t be this person anymore. The girl that I am right now is SOO not who the person I desire to be.
Lord, I don’t want to be this cold-hearted, jaded, spoiled brat of a person I am right now.
God, if there is such a thing as hitting a sober rock bottom, that’s where I’m at right now.
Lord, I feel like I am losing everyone I love!
I am falling completely apart.
God, I am reaching out to You right now.
I am so torn and so broken.
God, please be my saving grace again!
Help heal the coldness and all the brokenness of my heart!
God, I know that everything You say and do works out for my good.
God, I haven’t done this in a really long time but I’ve been told that I have a gift of writing, as I have been so blessed with…thanks for that, by the way. ..
God, I am praying for Your divine healing for all my brokenness.
I am really searching and seeking.
Lord, I am losing sight of who I am so quickly it’s not even remotely funny.
God, please.
This is my battle cry!!
Please help me glorify You through all of these precious gifts.
God, I am really praying whole heartedly that you help heal the severed relationships that I have caused.
God, I am going down a dangerous path of total self-destruction
God…I ask…No…I demand that the fire of worship and the Kingdom as a whole be reignited in my heart and spirit.
I pray for that passion I once had to come back.
God, tonight I pray whole heartedly that these feelings of hate and bitterness be gone.
Father, I pray that I find that sense of love that I know I want and need once again.
Lord, I don’t need or want this crap anymore.
It’s over. What I DO want and what I DO need is for Your warm embrace to come back into my heart and life once again.
You are what I need.
God, here I am before You again.
God, as I sit here, You gave me this Scripture of Ephesians 6:10-18, which of course, is about the Armor of God. More specifically, You told me to put on the full armor so that I can boldly take my stand against the devil’s schemes, for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
That’s where the letter ends.
Words cannot express how much it means to have God take you back after 5 months of going lone ranger and going at this insane world by yourself.
I just thank God soo much each and every day and I am soo grateful for taking me back.
With everything that’s happened in the past few weeks with my spiritual life, I needed to re-visit this night. Not just because it was a year ago tonight but because I felt so close to God and right now, I need that feeling again.
I need to be wrapped in His arms again.
I’m not sure who will read this but that’s kind of the point.
That’s why I’m putting this note out there on the internet for anyone to read.
May whoever reads this be amazingly blessed!!
Until next time,
Love you,
Sarah
Hey peeps.
A year ago tonight, I posted on Facebook:
“God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”
A year ago, I was at Bacone’s Wednesday Night Worship.
A lot of people don’t know this but I basically ran from God and went my own way. I spent 5 months out of church and wanting nothing to do with God. The dirty little secret…I was on the praise team pretending everything was just rainbows and sunshine when on the inside in the very depths of my heart, no one knew how much misery I was in.
A year ago tonight, I re-dedicated my heart and life to God.
A year ago tonight, my life was changed forever.
A year ago tonight, I got a glimpse of what has to be Heaven.
A year ago tonight, I was never the same.
A year ago tonight, I wrote this letter to God:
God,
I know that I’ve been a real bitch lately but there is so much that I feel has to be said.
God, I want to change once and for all. I can’t be this person anymore. The girl that I am right now is SOO not who the person I desire to be.
Lord, I don’t want to be this cold-hearted, jaded, spoiled brat of a person I am right now.
God, if there is such a thing as hitting a sober rock bottom, that’s where I’m at right now.
Lord, I feel like I am losing everyone I love!
I am falling completely apart.
God, I am reaching out to You right now.
I am so torn and so broken.
God, please be my saving grace again!
Help heal the coldness and all the brokenness of my heart!
God, I know that everything You say and do works out for my good.
God, I haven’t done this in a really long time but I’ve been told that I have a gift of writing, as I have been so blessed with…thanks for that, by the way. ..
God, I am praying for Your divine healing for all my brokenness.
I am really searching and seeking.
Lord, I am losing sight of who I am so quickly it’s not even remotely funny.
God, please.
This is my battle cry!!
Please help me glorify You through all of these precious gifts.
God, I am really praying whole heartedly that you help heal the severed relationships that I have caused.
God, I am going down a dangerous path of total self-destruction
God…I ask…No…I demand that the fire of worship and the Kingdom as a whole be reignited in my heart and spirit.
I pray for that passion I once had to come back.
God, tonight I pray whole heartedly that these feelings of hate and bitterness be gone.
Father, I pray that I find that sense of love that I know I want and need once again.
Lord, I don’t need or want this crap anymore.
It’s over. What I DO want and what I DO need is for Your warm embrace to come back into my heart and life once again.
You are what I need.
God, here I am before You again.
God, as I sit here, You gave me this Scripture of Ephesians 6:10-18, which of course, is about the Armor of God. More specifically, You told me to put on the full armor so that I can boldly take my stand against the devil’s schemes, for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
That’s where the letter ends.
Words cannot express how much it means to have God take you back after 5 months of going lone ranger and going at this insane world by yourself.
I just thank God soo much each and every day and I am soo grateful for taking me back.
With everything that’s happened in the past few weeks with my spiritual life, I needed to re-visit this night. Not just because it was a year ago tonight but because I felt so close to God and right now, I need that feeling again.
I need to be wrapped in His arms again.
I’m not sure who will read this but that’s kind of the point.
That’s why I’m putting this note out there on the internet for anyone to read.
May whoever reads this be amazingly blessed!!
Until next time,
Love you,
Sarah
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Randomness At Its Most Glamorous
Hey peeps..okay so this could be the first of 2 or 3 posts today.
Not really sure yet.
So right now, I’m looking over my to-do list I made at like midnight last night…
All I can say is…Kill. Me. Now.
Oh hey, it’s 11:11..make a wish…I wish for success in everything I do today…hahaha!!
Like one of the blogs I posted not too long ago, I’m in a very sarcastic mood.
My day is being spent studying for Methods and enjoying Grey’s Anatomy on DVD.
Not really sure how drooling over McDreamy and McSteamy, listening to Callie being a smart A….and methods of music all fit together but somehow, it fits.
Quote of the day “Christopher, this is Tyler. Tyler, Christopher. You both hate chicken. Discuss”
Callie is pretty legit.
Moving on…hahaha….You can tell I woke up WAAYYY too early this morning.
Although, it could be worse and I could be quoting Army Wives and Lifetime movies….LOL!!
The fact that this has to be one of the most random posts….
Seriously…something about the spring-y atmosphere outside and the fact that I’m still in my pajamas has a very odd effect.
And there may have been mention of a mani/pedi this weekend. Gotta love it.
So….Basically here you have the ultimate multitasker…
Grey’s Anatomy playing on my laptop, Army Wives going on the iPod, Lifehouse also playing on the laptop, studying for Methods, and just threw in a load of laundry.
I’m trying to get up the energy to start cleaning this disaster of a room….**Sigh**
So aside from munching on delish grilled cheese, I’m currently listening to an awesome song I found while finishing up the last 30 seconds on a Teen Mom episode. It was by this band called Vienne…I’ve never heard of them until I heard this song at the end of said Teen Mom episode and I thought that it more or less kinda fit my current mood, therefore I decided to post it.
After listening to it and looking up the lyrics (thanks, MTV.com), I discovered that it is me in song form. Baha. But I really liked it and how it really does kinda capture the raw emotion and stuff I’ve been feeling the past couple of weeks.
She’s broken,
waiting for a savior.
Hoping for someone to take her out of here.
yeah…
waiting for a savior.
Hoping for someone to take her out of here.
yeah…
She’s beaten, battered and bruised.
No freedom.
She’s fighting to find the light of day,
yeah…
No freedom.
She’s fighting to find the light of day,
yeah…
Until she breaks down, something’s gotta give.
She’s trying to find a way out.
She’s trying to find a way out.
Until she breaks down, something’s gotta give.
She’s trying to find a way out.
She’s trying to find a way out.
Stories, told a few thousand stories,
of how she’s gonna find her way back home.
Yeah….
of how she’s gonna find her way back home.
Yeah….
Still the night is young,
She can’t escape the silence all alone.
Is someone going to take her out of here?
Yeah…
She can’t escape the silence all alone.
Is someone going to take her out of here?
Yeah…
Until she breaks down, something’s gotta give.
She’s trying to find a way out.
She’s trying to find a way out.
Until she breaks down, something’s gotta give.
She’s trying to find a way out.
She’s trying to find a way out.
Words are fading,
She is broken.
She is broken.
Words are fading,
She is broken.
She is broken.
She is broken.
She is broken.
Until she breaks down, something’s gotta give.
She’s trying to find a way out.
She’s trying to find a way out.
Until she breaks down, something’s gotta give.
She’s trying to find a way out.
She’s trying to find a way out.
So…The fact that I began this post around 11am and it is now 1:20am the next day, technically…..My timing is just lovely.
I think it’s a record at the fact that it’s only 1:42, and I’m already packed to go home for the weekend.
It’s so hard to believe that in like less than 12 hours, I will be at Bacone again.
I’m really scared, excited, and nervous all at the same time. It feels so surreal that I will be back there after so many months.
The blog about that will be posted after my interview!!!
But anyway, I still cannot believe that I’m headed back there.
I think I need this.
I need to go back there.
Even though there was so much oppression and everything else that was happening, in some strange way, it will always be home to me.
I think the joke now with my pending return is “The beloved prodigal child is returning!!”
Well, I’m outta here!!
Bye peeps!
Untitled
Hey Peeps!
Okay so this is gonna be really super short.
For those that have Facebook and are subscribed to this blog, if you comment or whatever, message me on Facebook or send me a text.
I just realized I had a comment that was sent a few days ago and I just now got it.
If you guys could do that, it would be grand.
And I will actually post something in a day or 2, when things settle down a bit!!
Love you guys!
Sarah
Bacone College Memories
Okay so I’ve been missing Bacone like no other the past few months and I’ve realized that the past few postings have been…well…more than a little too heavy and somber so hopefully this particular blog will bring a little randomness to it. Baha!
Okay so this all sparked when my bestie from Bacone fired up my Facebook wall with this post:
your picture makes me very very sadd. i miss bacone!!!! I DONT WANNA GROW UP ANY MORE!!!! its full of broken dream and broken promises!!!! SARAH BRIXEY I MISS YOU MY BESTIE!!!! hey april coming up member during college week of good friday was in goood ole davis well sulphur swimminggg..
Okay…soo….we were out of school for Good Friday and had a long weekend….Said bestie and I took a little road trip and spent the weekend with her family…It was Easter weekend and we went swimming……needless to say, I had the WORST cold of my life after that for like a month. It was pretty awesome. That was the weekend that Sarah went completely bleach blonde. It was an awesome weekend. Baha!
Upon reminiscing via Facebook until 2am…
We both came to the shocking conclusion that even though we were literally counting down the days until we were free, you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Anyway…haha.
We move on to the night the bestie forgot her dorm room keys, cell phone, and something else…
We had dinner at Mazzio’s and then decided to go to Seminole to meet her parents to get her stuff at like 9pm…It was funny…Okay so we were coming back at like midnight…I think both of us had class at 8am….in her little yellow Beetle….There were 2 guys in a Mazda that wanted to race us. Needless to say, the inside joke of “Hey girls!! Let’s race!! How ’bout no and slam on the brakes?” Had us both cackling like no other for quite some time after that….2 insane guys in a Mazda and 2 girls in a yellow Bug…Yeahh, good times.
After that, we move onto our Monday Night Ritual:
We would go to Little Ceasar’s Pizza for dinner and then go to Sally’s Beauty store to get hair color and would do all sorts of color and stuff for my hair because I could never decide what haircolor I wanted. I would also skip praise team practice and we would have a sleepover in her dorm room window and watch movies all night…ending with me going to my Intro to Ed. class and Bacone Hour. Baha!!
The next insane story of the 2 Bacone Besties is…
The night before she and I went to her house………
We stopped by my parents’ house at like 10pm so I could do laundry and get stuff ready so we could leave the next afternoon….She LOVED my daddy….it was too funny because they were talking about fishing or something…I was bored. Bahaha!
And that brings us to the last Bacone memory of the besties….
One night, we were having a sleepover in her dorm room…Note that there was snow and ice on the ground…
we somehow got the bright idea to climb out of her dorm room window and run around the campus at like 2am because we were bored….Go figure that, right!! haha! And I had just colored my hair with pink highlights and had just rinsed out the color…my hair was wet. We were in shorts and flip flops..and I want to say tank tops…running around campus with snow on the ground.
So there you have, the famous memories of Sarah and Kotaaaa……….
I’m sure a lot of you won’t think these are as funny as we did but there ya go. Hahaha! Peace out, peeps!!
Should I Stay, or Should I go?
Hey peeps!!
Okay….Well, I don’t know how to gently lead up to something like this so I’m just going to come out and say it:
It has been a very thought-provoking couple of days.
I had a meeting with someone on Tuesday.
I was asked to pray about why I am where I am and why I feel God brought me to this place.
I’m struggling right now, to say the very least.
Sometime last semester, I was in a room where someone got a prophetic word and a vision or either/or. I don’t remember specifics.
The point was that it was an emotional meeting. I was crying and it was a mess.
Anyway, the word or vision or whatever was that it involved me and a mask and like God lifting my face towards Him.
I’m sure there was more to it than that but that’s what really stood out to me. Like I said, it’s been quite some time since then.
I’ve really been thinking a lot about that the past couple of days.
Seeing as how it is 2:07am, technically today is Thursday.
So anyway..on Tuesday, after this little meeting, I did a lot of thinking and praying.
I’m just gonna come out and say it:
My attitude the past few days has pretty much sucked in every essence of the word.
I have ALWAYS viewed showing emotion as a sign of weakness.
If I reach my breaking point and am about to break down, I do it behind closed doors and come out like nothing ever happened.
Upon thinking about the mask and all of that, especially with the events of the past couple of days, tonight being the freakin’ epitome of this revelation, I have come to realize that the mask is basically my emotions and how I have this mindset, and I doubt very seriously that it will change…
The revelation without my rambling:
I feel that when everything around me is crumbling and I am at my weakest, I have to be the one to remain strong. I have to be the one that even if I’m a train wreck I have to be the one to hold it all together. Everyone else around me can be crying and all that and I am the one with this mask of being strong when on the inside, I’m an emotional wreck.
‘Seriously, you can ask anyone in my family and they will tell you that if I’m at my breaking point, I can go from being ‘happy and smiling’ when I’m around my parents or whatever and the second I close the door to my room, I’m sobbing hysterically.
I honestly do not know where it stems from but that’s the way I’ve been since I was young. And being so incredibly stuck in my ways, I’m not sure that it will change.
Now that we’ve gotten through the Dr. Phil part of this blog, we can move on to the next topic:
Being asked to pray about where I am….
It more or less ties in with a conversation I had with someone tonight via Facebook IM.
I know that I am probably gonna get a TON of backlash and probably crucified and it’s kind of too soon to say anything but all I can say at this particular moment, all I can say is that I may have plans for the summer, which could include a very real chance of summer school to up my borderline obsolete GPA.
I’m not sure where I plan on taking said summer school but that’s gonna be in the works soon.
What I can say is that I have done a lot of thinking about everything that’s happened the past semester..and a half, I guess.
What I can say is that this will be one of the hardest blogs I have posted this far.
What I am about to say could very well be my fate for fall.
This was a very difficult decision and right now, I think is the best decision for everyone. Let me be clear: This. Is. Not. Final. I have NOT made the ultimate “Going for it and there’s no turning back” decision yet. For right now, and this is very well subject to change, but I feel that the place God has called me is not Family of Faith.
The past few weeks, and I think I may have said a little bit about this in my last blog but in the last few weeks, I have really been doubting if God really and truly wants me here at Family of Faith or if I was running out of pent up emotion and anger.
I have been agonizing over this decision and as I was praying, God led me to Psalms 139 which reminded me that He has all of this figured out and I just need to let go and let God.
Anyway, as I was agonizing over all of this, I gained this new perspective or whatever and got another revelation about why I have been doing all of this questioning and soul searching. One thing that God more or less reminded, for lack of a better word, me that every time something happens that I either don’t want to deal with or I don’t know how to deal with, I run from it. Every time.
God basically showed me that I really need to make decisions based off of what He wants rather than what I want.
God basically spoke to me that I need to step back and see what He wants me to do rather than just looking at a situation and deciding right then what I should do.
Overall, God knows best….which brings whole new meaning to “Father knows best!”
Anyway, it is 3:15am and I’m tired.
Oh yeah, and to add some sassiness to this pretty little blog, Snow Day Number 6 or 7 is…today…Surprise, surprise.
So I’m headed to bed and then upon waking up, I will be spending the better part of the day working on my book critique, which is still not done (GRR!!) and then working on my portfolio and making sure it’s really nice and neat-looking.
Gotta go!
Bye, peeps!!
…::Suddenly I See::…
Heyy peeps!!
Okay for some odd reason, and God only knows the reason, I’m in a very unlike-me mood.
I don’t know but right now it’s almost midnight and I’m listening to KT Tunstall and Sara Bareilles…I’m not really sure if it’s because Suddenly I See and Bottle It Up have been my favorite songs to write poetry to since like forever ago or what but whatever.
Anyway, here’s a lowdown of my day:
Because I was headed back to the dorms today, I had to get up at the freakin butt crack of dawn at like 7am…Seriously, the whole vacay I had last week of sleeping in until noon came to a tragic, screeching halt. I woke up and was like “Screw me.” hahaha..
Anyway, I woke up and my mom and I had to take care of some stuff in town before we left to Shawnee.
I begrudgingly graced the household with my optomism and my bright and sunny disposition (Haha..note the sarcasm)
Well, we did what we needed to do and then headed to Shawnee. It was an overall decent day. My dad and I had a really nice conversation about my US History book critique and then my portfolio, apparently he’s really excited about it.
Because I’m pretty famous at our house for leaving my journals open for the world to see, which opens up a whole other can of worms but anyway…a good dose of teen/young adult angst could do him a world of good in his old age (LOL!!) He needs some culture aside from sudoku or however in the world you spell it, sports, and the obituaries (which is just a tad bit morbid but I digress.) haha.
Like I was saying, he’s seen several collages in those journals and also the canvases that hang on my walls with different poems on them and he’s really excited to see me stick to something for 4 years.
Hang around our house very long and you will see boxes upon boxes upon boxes of journals with stories and poems that are a mix of half-way completed or actually complete…the former more so than the latter.
I really think that the drive of wanting him to say “Hallelujah!! Through obstacles and the different struggles that she encountered, and also that we as a family had to endure, she stuck with it and has this monster book of stuff she did over the years to look back on!! For once, she didn’t run. She didn’t quit. For once she stuck it out and has this accomplishment.” is really what’s pushing me to want to kick butt this semester. It’s making me want to study like I have never studied before. It’s making me want to put in extra effort to make a paper stand out.
Knowing my dad, he will be blubbering like a hyena but hey..what dad doesn’t cry over his daughter’s achievements? hahaha.
I swear, I am in one of the most random moods.
I’ve never had this where the most random thoughts pop into my head.
hahaha….I kinda like it. Hope it lasts.
I think it may have something to do with the fact that things with my family are going really great right now.
It’s so funny that my dad has NEVER taken such a strong interest in what I’m doing in school.
We were having lunch today and he kept asking ”What’s going on with school? What do you have going on this week? What’s going on next week? How’s that book review paper thing going since you were up until God knows when working on it. When you hand it in, can you make a copy of it?”
I was like in shock and after a few seconds, I was like “Well, the usual and I would have to check my day planner to see what I’ve got going on. I’ve got my portfolio class tonight that I’m really excited about. The book critique is due in 2 weeks. I’m up to chapters 6 or 7 but I wish I was closer to finishing it. With this weather we’re supposed to get, I’ll have a lot of time to work on it and my goal is to get it done by Friday so I can spend next week proofing and making sure it’s perfect to hand in.”
And then we started talking about Winter Jam in 2 weeks.
To be honest, I’m not sure if I’m more surprised with his sudden interest in my education or the fact that he knows who the Newsboys and David Crowder are.
Either are freakin’ awesome. hahaha.
I’m really excited about him coming up and asking if I wanted to go.
Wow…it’s late and my fingers hurt. hahaha.
I really hope that things continue to stay like this and we can start fresh and become closer than ever before.
I think this is the happiest I’ve been in quite some time and I just pray that it just intensifies.
Aside from the crazy and random side of me, it’s time to get serious.
Last week…I think it was last week…hahhaa..or the week before…
I was to the point of saying ”God, is it really worth it? Y’know…I’m here at Family of Faith and for what? What am I supposed to do here? Why am I here? Did I come here for the right reasons? Was it really You that brought me here or was it me looking for an easy way out? Remind me again of the shocking revelation that somehow popped in my pretty little head that said “Here’s a bright idea!! Go to Family of Faith!! Really, God?”
So after a few days of arguing with God….which really was pointless and served no purpose and we basically were just going in circles only to end up where we started…more questions…it kinda made me ponder if the relationship God and I share had just boiled down to a game of 20 questions….This is the part of the blog where Sarah, delirious from lack of sleep makes no sense at all at 12:30 at night.
After God, who was very blunt about this, told me to shut up and listen….after I did what He said because ticking off God really isn’t on my “Things to do” list at this point and time of my 20 years of existence.
Upon praying about a lot of stuff, He gave me this Scripture:
2 Corinthians 4:16
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”
Essentially and I’m slowly sinking into oblivion and will make this short and sweet..
Essentially, He basically kind of reminded me to hold fast and basically make decisions based on what He wants me to do and not what Miss Sarah wants.
Anyway, I hate to end this but it’s hecka late and I’ve gotta be up for prayer and this is WAAAYY longer than I wanted, but oh well.
Night, peeps!!
Sarah out!
:::…Reflections of Snowpalooza 2011…:::
Heyyy Everyone!
Okay so I realized that it’s been a little bit since I’ve posted anything. Bahaha. You would think that with pretty much a whole week off of school, I would have ample time to blog. Think again, sunshine!
Between sleeping in until noon (Which I admit was like 20 shades of lovely) and working on a book critique that’s due in 2 weeks
(I know, I know…It’s kind of unlike me to get ahead like that. Baha!! In all reality, I just want to do my best work. Whether that’s proving myself to my instructors or myself, I’m not sure.) Hahaha.
So, like I said..We pretty well had the week off.
We had class on Monday and I had my first Portfolio Creation class…I’m pretty excited. It’s gonna be a TON of work but hellooo….I get to make scrapbook-like pages.
After that, the weather started and needless to say, we were out of school the rest of the week.
My days were spent watching movies and working on my book critique.
Still not done with it but I’m hoping to get it done this week!!
On Friday, the parents came up to my dorm. The plan was just to go shopping and come back so they could leave before the roads iced over.
Well, we weren’t gonna go eat but my dad decided he wanted Chili’s so that’s where we went.
To be really honest and open, I was very uncomfortable at first because even though we had forgiven each other and all that, I was thinking “Is he gonna throw it back in my face?”
I’ve gotta say…we had a really great time. There was no yelling, name-calling, anything.
I was amazed that we had a very civilized conversation. He asked if I had any tests or assignments that were coming up and we talked about my book critique I was working on. It was a really awesome day. We also found out my BlackBerry contract expired and I was up for a phone upgrade.
I think I’m a bit of a BlackBerry snob. Even though I had a lot of problems with my BlackBerry Bold melting and various other problems, I still love them. hahaha.
So I got my BlackBerry Torch and I completely ADORE it!!
And that brings us to Sunday…
Not sure what the day is gonna bring since it’s noon and I’m still in my PJ’s.
Well, I’m outta here!!
Sarah out!!
Hello, Springtime in January
Okay so I know the last post was a little dark and somber but I’m moving on and from that and refuse to let any of this distract me from doing what I need to do.
Alrighty..so the good news is everything at home was resolved and things between my dad and I are slowly getting better. We both agreed that things were said that shouldn’t have been and everything else. What’s more is that we also agreed that in certain aspects, we were both in the wrong.
I took responsibility for getting bad grades and for getting so enraged that it resulted in throwing stilettos.
He took responsibility for saying a lot of things that he is now sorry about, ultimately telling the whole church about my grade situation.
Upon airing out everything, I said that I was sorry for everything and that I forgave him for everything that was said and done.
We both decided that we would put this behind us, never to bring it up again, and when I go home next week, we’ll go have dinner or spend time together–just the 2 of us and really just start fresh. While I may never forget this, I DO plan on saying “Yes, I screwed up. Yes, I did things that I shouldn’t have done. But through it all, I grew up, took responsibility, and am working on making this into one of those ‘through this trial, we kept the faith and are now stronger not because of it but in spite of it’ things”
So right now as I’m typing this, I’m wearing capri sweats, a tank top, and was wearing flip flops..oh, and drinking a delish cherry limeade!!
This was like the perfect weekend!!
Last night, some of the girls and I went to Bricktown, ate some AWESOME Italian food, had some amazing ice cream, and then came back to the dorm to watch movies. I crashed around 1:30 or 2am and didn’t wake up until around 10:20 or 10:30 this morning.
To be perfectly honest, I needed this escape from everything. If only for one night, I needed to just have fun with the girls. One night of not worrying about homework or anything. One night of dressing up and doing all that pretty girly stuff and just having fun. hahaha.
Well, Cinderella is back from the ball and has to finish reading!!
While this post wasn’t as deep and heavy as the last one, it’s still hopefully insightful and witty!
Ha!
Sarah out!
Byee!!
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