Heyy!! Okay so today was pretty cool.
I know that the next few days are going to be hella hectic and busy since I'm going home in a couple of days. But..back to the point of the matter. Okay so this is soo weird. A friend and I were talking and were soo late to class. It sucked..so we were talking and we were saying how Meghan promised to take us to Starbucks after ICLC.
Okay so we went to class and Meghan was like "Do you guys want to go get coffee?"
We were like "Yeah" so we went.
It was pretty fun. I had a break between Comp. and US History and to be perfectly honest, I was scared shitless because I knew that my heartless douchebag of an instructor was gonna be crazy pissed that I mised a test last week.
He wasn't and I was thankful.
So after class, I was freaking tired. I woke up around 3:30 and had a text from Mark that said:
"Hey, Gorgeous! I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you doing? Message me back. Bye".
I was like "That fucking made my day!" It was awesome.
Okay so tonight we had Methods of Art. It was soo fun! We got to paint our own color wheels.
I felt like I was in elementary school again. It was pretty awesome.
Wel, it's been a long day. I'm tired.
Peace out, Girl Scout!
**End**
Saturday, August 6, 2011
This is the Stuff that Drives Me Crazy Originally Written 3-27-11
Heyy!! Okay so right now I'm sitting here, thinking about stuff. So it's 3pm. The title pretty much gives you an idea of what this will be about.
Okay so obviously, today is Sunday..for some reason...I didn't hear my alarm. Sigh. I was pretty pissed, but it's okay I guess...on the other hand..I'm in the dorm, still in my PJs and playing Mario. **Sigh**
So..on the plus side..I got my note cards done for Meghan's class.
Well, this has been short and pointless.
Peace out, Girl Scout.
**End**
Okay so obviously, today is Sunday..for some reason...I didn't hear my alarm. Sigh. I was pretty pissed, but it's okay I guess...on the other hand..I'm in the dorm, still in my PJs and playing Mario. **Sigh**
So..on the plus side..I got my note cards done for Meghan's class.
Well, this has been short and pointless.
Peace out, Girl Scout.
**End**
A Life Only I Understand Originally Written 3-26-11
Okay so right now, it's around midnight on a Saturday night. It sounds seriously lame but I'm rockin' out to Israel Houghten, IM'ing, texting, and playing Mario. *Sigh*
What can I say?? hahaha. So here's the low-down on all that went on:
1. I talked to LT via Facebook IM off and on for a few hours.
I've gotta say...even though he and I have butted heads..granted, it was more my own emotions against him..but tamayto, tahmahto. hahaha.
Soo...the good news is...I am officially accepted into Bacone for summer and fall. Can you say "HELLA EXCITED!!"??
Even though I came to Family of Faith willingly, it feels like my place at Bacone has been the real, sole sense of consistency and normalcy in the semester and a half that I've been here. the Praise Team was what kept me grounded.
In spite of all my bitterness, being in the chapel worshipping brought me a great sense of comfort and I can't wait to be back where I belong. I need my family. I'm not sure if I ever told LT this..but even though I've got a really strong father figure in my life, he is so much like a second father/ uncle type to me and I love him dearly.
2.
I cleaned my room. Uhm..I spent like 4 freaking hours cleaning my room and I still didn't get as much done as I would have liked to. Grr!!
It's like 3am andwe have church in a few hours. Sadly it looks like a full day. I've gotta catch up on studying and homework.
It looks like no church for me tomorrow night... :-(
**End**
What can I say?? hahaha. So here's the low-down on all that went on:
1. I talked to LT via Facebook IM off and on for a few hours.
I've gotta say...even though he and I have butted heads..granted, it was more my own emotions against him..but tamayto, tahmahto. hahaha.
Soo...the good news is...I am officially accepted into Bacone for summer and fall. Can you say "HELLA EXCITED!!"??
Even though I came to Family of Faith willingly, it feels like my place at Bacone has been the real, sole sense of consistency and normalcy in the semester and a half that I've been here. the Praise Team was what kept me grounded.
In spite of all my bitterness, being in the chapel worshipping brought me a great sense of comfort and I can't wait to be back where I belong. I need my family. I'm not sure if I ever told LT this..but even though I've got a really strong father figure in my life, he is so much like a second father/ uncle type to me and I love him dearly.
2.
I cleaned my room. Uhm..I spent like 4 freaking hours cleaning my room and I still didn't get as much done as I would have liked to. Grr!!
It's like 3am andwe have church in a few hours. Sadly it looks like a full day. I've gotta catch up on studying and homework.
It looks like no church for me tomorrow night... :-(
**End**
Locked and Loaded Originally writen 3-24-11
Okay so today...actually let me rewind to last night. It was pretty legit...I didn't sleep at all last night, which is really nothing new after God speaks or touches my heart in an awesome, tangible way. Well, today I had prayer...given everything that's hpapened with Sawyer and with all the shit that that's gone on the past month or so with my spirituality, I think the phrase "locked and loaded" was a total understatement. Well, I had leftover mac and cheese for breakfast and went back to bed. I woke up around 1:30 and started studying for my US History test tomorrow. I'm like freaking the fuck out. It's so crazy but I'm sure it will be fine.
So after I studied for about an hour, this bitch texts me..let's call her "Rihanna". I swear on all that is holy, my stomach jumped into my throat. She asked me if I would go with her to take food to people in Prague or whatever as part of serving with the food distribution ministry thing whatever.
At first I was so uncomfortable because I wasn't sure what to expect about what was going to happen when we finally got to the house where we were going to take the food. I'm also not really used to hanging with "Rihanna" like outside of like Bible study and stuff. Even though we were literally like in the middle of freaking nowhere, it felt like I was back at John 3:16 Mission again. I've gotta say, I needed that feeling. I needed the feeling of remembering what it's like to get my mind off of myself and focus on blessing someone else. I needed a fresh perspective of seeing someone else... and I guess you could say that I needed a big ass dose of humility.
The whole trip took about an hour to get there and back, which was the only really uncomfortable thing about this little adventure.
On the way back, she brought up the CD of the sermon that she wanted me to listen to. I kinda began to shut her out and I could tell that she kind of saw through that and more or less pressed on.
Well, she was like "Please don't shut me out." She mentioned Sawyer and mentioned when she saw me on Monday. Dear God, I was looking pretty rough. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone.
To be honest, even now, it seems like the only way I can deal with everything up to Sawyer's suicide, is to put the walls back up around my heart and close off anyone and everyone that tries to get too close. It sounds really selfish, ut I think Im fighting so hard to see who will grab me and say "Keep fighting but I'll never stop fighting for you".
It sounds even more selfish, but even thought God gave me the peace and was there to comfort me last night, I'm still fighting everyone that loves me.
I know tht I am definitely going to have to step out of my comfort zone and open my heart to "Rihanna" eventually but I'm just not ready. I'm not.
Dear God, I am like a therapist's worst nightmare. hahaha.
Well, anyway..so she was talking and in my mind, I kept thinking about how I'm still on the fence about whether or not I'm fully ready to lay the cards out on the table and bare my heart to her...Ughh...
So at the present moment, I'm sitting in Theology II listening to the instructor's lecture. Hahaha...I think class is like almost over.
I'm out .
**End**
So after I studied for about an hour, this bitch texts me..let's call her "Rihanna". I swear on all that is holy, my stomach jumped into my throat. She asked me if I would go with her to take food to people in Prague or whatever as part of serving with the food distribution ministry thing whatever.
At first I was so uncomfortable because I wasn't sure what to expect about what was going to happen when we finally got to the house where we were going to take the food. I'm also not really used to hanging with "Rihanna" like outside of like Bible study and stuff. Even though we were literally like in the middle of freaking nowhere, it felt like I was back at John 3:16 Mission again. I've gotta say, I needed that feeling. I needed the feeling of remembering what it's like to get my mind off of myself and focus on blessing someone else. I needed a fresh perspective of seeing someone else... and I guess you could say that I needed a big ass dose of humility.
The whole trip took about an hour to get there and back, which was the only really uncomfortable thing about this little adventure.
On the way back, she brought up the CD of the sermon that she wanted me to listen to. I kinda began to shut her out and I could tell that she kind of saw through that and more or less pressed on.
Well, she was like "Please don't shut me out." She mentioned Sawyer and mentioned when she saw me on Monday. Dear God, I was looking pretty rough. I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone.
To be honest, even now, it seems like the only way I can deal with everything up to Sawyer's suicide, is to put the walls back up around my heart and close off anyone and everyone that tries to get too close. It sounds really selfish, ut I think Im fighting so hard to see who will grab me and say "Keep fighting but I'll never stop fighting for you".
It sounds even more selfish, but even thought God gave me the peace and was there to comfort me last night, I'm still fighting everyone that loves me.
I know tht I am definitely going to have to step out of my comfort zone and open my heart to "Rihanna" eventually but I'm just not ready. I'm not.
Dear God, I am like a therapist's worst nightmare. hahaha.
Well, anyway..so she was talking and in my mind, I kept thinking about how I'm still on the fence about whether or not I'm fully ready to lay the cards out on the table and bare my heart to her...Ughh...
So at the present moment, I'm sitting in Theology II listening to the instructor's lecture. Hahaha...I think class is like almost over.
I'm out .
**End**
Friday, August 5, 2011
The Tell-All Blog
Okay so...I start classes at Bacone next week and now that I've been home for a few months now, and after careful consideration, I have decided that the journal I kept from my last 3 months of the cult that I was part of. These are the ramblings of a girl that was once unbreakable but finally broke. She seemed so strong but she crumbled. She always laughed it off, but she finally cried. She never stopped trying but she finally gave up and quit. She lost her mind and couldn't find her place.
She lost her faith and fell from grace.
Her name is Sarah Lynn and this is her story.
She lost her faith and fell from grace.
Her name is Sarah Lynn and this is her story.
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