I Cry Abba

To someone that has had a very large part in my life:

First off, let me say that I love you

You and I fight constantly and are not close.

I know I love you and I know that you love me

The past 4 or 5 years, you and I have drifted.

We are bit close and really do not have a true relationship.

I see other girls that are so close with their dads.

I feel that we aren’t even a family. I feel like we’re roommates.

If you really knew your own daughter, you would know:

How much I need a strong father in my life right now.

You’ve always been there for me in sports and school but at home, you’ve been distant.

I know that this is a two way street in getting our relationship back to where it was when I was little.

When I came home this weekend, I felt like a stranger in my own house and was counting down the hours until I went back to school.

I hate living like this

When will you realize how much it hurts to have someone constantly condemn you and not take you seriously?

When will you realize that I am crying out and reaching out to be close to you once again?

I realize you’re human but I feel like you don’t even know your own daughter that you have raised for 20 years.

Since when is being so foreign so familiar and so normal???

Since when is it considered okay to be a family but yet be strangers in a once close-knit family? Do you have any idea how much you are hurting your own daughter? Do you even know that I serve a God who can do everything you can’t? He is the one that picks me up when I’m broken.

He is the one that wipes my tears away.

He is the one at the end of the day, picks me up and doesn’t tear me down.

Why can’t you be like that?

All I can say is thanks to you, I have learned how to completely take care of myself.

When I come home, don’t ask how school or my life are going.

I’m not going to pretend to be a true daughter if you can’t be a true father.

The only father figure I have is my Heavenly Father, Abba.

I’m open to repairing our relationship if you are.

The ball is completely in your court now.