March 17, 2010
Hey peeps.
A year ago tonight, I posted on Facebook:
“God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”
A year ago, I was at Bacone’s Wednesday Night Worship.
A lot of people don’t know this but I basically ran from God and went my own way. I spent 5 months out of church and wanting nothing to do with God. The dirty little secret…I was on the praise team pretending everything was just rainbows and sunshine when on the inside in the very depths of my heart, no one knew how much misery I was in.
A year ago tonight, I re-dedicated my heart and life to God.
A year ago tonight, my life was changed forever.
A year ago tonight, I got a glimpse of what has to be Heaven.
A year ago tonight, I was never the same.
A year ago tonight, I wrote this letter to God:
God,
I know that I’ve been a real bitch lately but there is so much that I feel has to be said.
God, I want to change once and for all. I can’t be this person anymore. The girl that I am right now is SOO not who the person I desire to be.
Lord, I don’t want to be this cold-hearted, jaded, spoiled brat of a person I am right now.
God, if there is such a thing as hitting a sober rock bottom, that’s where I’m at right now.
Lord, I feel like I am losing everyone I love!
I am falling completely apart.
God, I am reaching out to You right now.
I am so torn and so broken.
God, please be my saving grace again!
Help heal the coldness and all the brokenness of my heart!
God, I know that everything You say and do works out for my good.
God, I haven’t done this in a really long time but I’ve been told that I have a gift of writing, as I have been so blessed with…thanks for that, by the way. ..
God, I am praying for Your divine healing for all my brokenness.
I am really searching and seeking.
Lord, I am losing sight of who I am so quickly it’s not even remotely funny.
God, please.
This is my battle cry!!
Please help me glorify You through all of these precious gifts.
God, I am really praying whole heartedly that you help heal the severed relationships that I have caused.
God, I am going down a dangerous path of total self-destruction
God…I ask…No…I demand that the fire of worship and the Kingdom as a whole be reignited in my heart and spirit.
I pray for that passion I once had to come back.
God, tonight I pray whole heartedly that these feelings of hate and bitterness be gone.
Father, I pray that I find that sense of love that I know I want and need once again.
Lord, I don’t need or want this crap anymore.
It’s over. What I DO want and what I DO need is for Your warm embrace to come back into my heart and life once again.
You are what I need.
God, here I am before You again.
God, as I sit here, You gave me this Scripture of Ephesians 6:10-18, which of course, is about the Armor of God. More specifically, You told me to put on the full armor so that I can boldly take my stand against the devil’s schemes, for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
That’s where the letter ends.
Words cannot express how much it means to have God take you back after 5 months of going lone ranger and going at this insane world by yourself.
I just thank God soo much each and every day and I am soo grateful for taking me back.
With everything that’s happened in the past few weeks with my spiritual life, I needed to re-visit this night. Not just because it was a year ago tonight but because I felt so close to God and right now, I need that feeling again.
I need to be wrapped in His arms again.
I’m not sure who will read this but that’s kind of the point.
That’s why I’m putting this note out there on the internet for anyone to read.
May whoever reads this be amazingly blessed!!
Until next time,
Love you,
Sarah
Hey peeps.
A year ago tonight, I posted on Facebook:
“God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”
A year ago, I was at Bacone’s Wednesday Night Worship.
A lot of people don’t know this but I basically ran from God and went my own way. I spent 5 months out of church and wanting nothing to do with God. The dirty little secret…I was on the praise team pretending everything was just rainbows and sunshine when on the inside in the very depths of my heart, no one knew how much misery I was in.
A year ago tonight, I re-dedicated my heart and life to God.
A year ago tonight, my life was changed forever.
A year ago tonight, I got a glimpse of what has to be Heaven.
A year ago tonight, I was never the same.
A year ago tonight, I wrote this letter to God:
God,
I know that I’ve been a real bitch lately but there is so much that I feel has to be said.
God, I want to change once and for all. I can’t be this person anymore. The girl that I am right now is SOO not who the person I desire to be.
Lord, I don’t want to be this cold-hearted, jaded, spoiled brat of a person I am right now.
God, if there is such a thing as hitting a sober rock bottom, that’s where I’m at right now.
Lord, I feel like I am losing everyone I love!
I am falling completely apart.
God, I am reaching out to You right now.
I am so torn and so broken.
God, please be my saving grace again!
Help heal the coldness and all the brokenness of my heart!
God, I know that everything You say and do works out for my good.
God, I haven’t done this in a really long time but I’ve been told that I have a gift of writing, as I have been so blessed with…thanks for that, by the way. ..
God, I am praying for Your divine healing for all my brokenness.
I am really searching and seeking.
Lord, I am losing sight of who I am so quickly it’s not even remotely funny.
God, please.
This is my battle cry!!
Please help me glorify You through all of these precious gifts.
God, I am really praying whole heartedly that you help heal the severed relationships that I have caused.
God, I am going down a dangerous path of total self-destruction
God…I ask…No…I demand that the fire of worship and the Kingdom as a whole be reignited in my heart and spirit.
I pray for that passion I once had to come back.
God, tonight I pray whole heartedly that these feelings of hate and bitterness be gone.
Father, I pray that I find that sense of love that I know I want and need once again.
Lord, I don’t need or want this crap anymore.
It’s over. What I DO want and what I DO need is for Your warm embrace to come back into my heart and life once again.
You are what I need.
God, here I am before You again.
God, as I sit here, You gave me this Scripture of Ephesians 6:10-18, which of course, is about the Armor of God. More specifically, You told me to put on the full armor so that I can boldly take my stand against the devil’s schemes, for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
That’s where the letter ends.
Words cannot express how much it means to have God take you back after 5 months of going lone ranger and going at this insane world by yourself.
I just thank God soo much each and every day and I am soo grateful for taking me back.
With everything that’s happened in the past few weeks with my spiritual life, I needed to re-visit this night. Not just because it was a year ago tonight but because I felt so close to God and right now, I need that feeling again.
I need to be wrapped in His arms again.
I’m not sure who will read this but that’s kind of the point.
That’s why I’m putting this note out there on the internet for anyone to read.
May whoever reads this be amazingly blessed!!
Until next time,
Love you,
Sarah
God is so good! I love seeing what God is doing in your life. I can't wait to see His plan fully unfold in your life. You are such an awesome person with a beautiful heart. I'm glad I have gotten the chance to know you in the past few weeks. I had such a fun time when you came to T-town.
ReplyDelete