Okay so...I know on my Facebook page a few days ago, I mentioned watching an ancient episode of the Cosby Show where Theo gets a job at an after school youth center. As I re-watched this episode last night, it put some stuff into perspective and that's where this blog originated from!!
To my parents::
I just wanted you both to know how much I appreciate you both.
Even though we fight and argue at times, I don't know where I would be without you.
I just want you to know how blessed I feel that you raised me in church and how even more than that- you taught me right from wrong and to always put God first.
You have both stood by my side through all of my stupid mistakes and all of my victories.
I really do thank God for the both of you.
You both taught me the importance of worshipping and serving God and you showed me the importance of serving others.
So instead of asking for a new laptop battery, a new camera, a new phone, or a new laptop cord--
I just wanted to say thank you for everything that you've done in the past, present, and future.
I love you guys
Monday, March 19, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
March 17, 2010- 2 Years of Healing
"It's well past midnight and I've got questions that won't wait for daylight. Separating fact from my imaginary fiction, on this shelf of my conviction. I need to find a place where You and I come face to face."
First off:: allow me to be totally open...This is something I never do.
I never really pour my heart and soul out like this but this is one of rare times that I feel led to open up and share this.
2 years ago, a good friend told me that I was at a crossroads in my walk with God. Put more specifically, I was essentially in my own Garden of Gethsemane.
2 years ago, I was on a bridge...on one end: a little girl in Sunday School...on the other end...the woman of God that I so desperately wanted to be. Where was I? Well, I was somewhere in the middle.
2 years ago, I was in one of the most demonic, darkest times of my life. We won't talk details but let's just say- the thought of taking the easy road out and signing away scholarships, withdraw forms, and saying "College isn't for me" was considered more than once during this period of 5 months where I wanted nothing to do with church or God.
2 years ago tonight, right around the time I'm typing this...I was sitting in Bacone's chapel repenting for everything that was said and done during afore mentioned 5-month period.
2 years ago, God stepped in and changed my life.
2 years ago tonight, I re-dedicated my life and heart to God.
2 years ago tonight, my Facebook status said:
"God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”
2 years ago tonight, God saved me from myself.
Flash forward 2 years later.....
Now I will never forget where I've been, but can now rest in the fact that it's behind me and I can go forward.
First off:: allow me to be totally open...This is something I never do.
I never really pour my heart and soul out like this but this is one of rare times that I feel led to open up and share this.
2 years ago, a good friend told me that I was at a crossroads in my walk with God. Put more specifically, I was essentially in my own Garden of Gethsemane.
2 years ago, I was on a bridge...on one end: a little girl in Sunday School...on the other end...the woman of God that I so desperately wanted to be. Where was I? Well, I was somewhere in the middle.
2 years ago, I was in one of the most demonic, darkest times of my life. We won't talk details but let's just say- the thought of taking the easy road out and signing away scholarships, withdraw forms, and saying "College isn't for me" was considered more than once during this period of 5 months where I wanted nothing to do with church or God.
2 years ago tonight, right around the time I'm typing this...I was sitting in Bacone's chapel repenting for everything that was said and done during afore mentioned 5-month period.
2 years ago, God stepped in and changed my life.
2 years ago tonight, I re-dedicated my life and heart to God.
2 years ago tonight, my Facebook status said:
"God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”
2 years ago tonight, God saved me from myself.
Flash forward 2 years later.....
Now I am more confident in who I am in God.
Now more than ever- I can hold my head up.
Now I will never forget where I've been, but can now rest in the fact that it's behind me and I can go forward.
Now I can openly talk about my struggles and not feel brought down or tempted by them.
Now I can say that God ultimately showed up and saved me from myself.
Now I can say that without God standing by me during that dark time 2 years ago, I honestly don't know where I would be today.
All I can say is that God is amazing. There are no other words to describe it.
He proved..then and now...that He will NEVER leave or forsake His children.
He taught me that even in all of my broknenness, He met me where I was and He welcomed me back with open arms.
He is my Daddy in Heaven.
He is my Provider.
He is my Everything.
It's been a long road the past 2 years but with Him at my side, there's nothing I can't do.
Even now in this trial with having a broken ankle-- He has shown me that His grace is sufficient and like always, He will stand by me and get me through this.
So...there's really nothing left to say....
Be blessed peeps and I'll see ya next time!!
Byee!!
He proved..then and now...that He will NEVER leave or forsake His children.
He taught me that even in all of my broknenness, He met me where I was and He welcomed me back with open arms.
He is my Daddy in Heaven.
He is my Provider.
He is my Everything.
It's been a long road the past 2 years but with Him at my side, there's nothing I can't do.
Even now in this trial with having a broken ankle-- He has shown me that His grace is sufficient and like always, He will stand by me and get me through this.
So...there's really nothing left to say....
Be blessed peeps and I'll see ya next time!!
Byee!!
"It's way past midnight and I'm awake with questions that won't wait until daylight.."
First off:: allow me to be totally open...This is something I never do.
I never really pour my heart and soul out like this but this is one of rare times that I feel led to open up and share this.
2 years ago I was in the basement of the chapel at Bacone talking my spirituality and my relationship with God with someone who at times has probably wanted to throw a Bible at my head on more than one occassion, I'm sure.
2 years ago this certain person told me that I was at a crossroads in my walk with God. Put more specifically, I was essentially in my own Garden of Gethsemane.
2 years ago I was on a bridge...on one end: a little girl in Sunday School...on the other end...the woman of God that I so desperately wanted to be. Where was I? Well, I was somewhere in the middle.
2 years ago I was in one of the most demonic, darkest times of my life. We won't talk details but let's just say- the thought of taking the easy road out and signing away scholarships, withdraw forms, and saying "College isn't for me" was considered more than once during this period of 5 months where I wanted nothing to do with church or God.
2 years ago after this little chat, I went back to my dorm room, turned up the music and began setting about cleaning my room and re-decorating my bulletin board.
2 years ago upon changing out pictures on this bulletin board, I came across a letter to God I had written the Wednesday before.
The letter said:
Okay, Lord::
I am done with all of this!
I want to be totally free of all of this right now...right here and right now!!
Father, show me and lead me to get these chains off.
God, I want to go back to how things were before.
God, when I look in the mirror every morning, the girl I see is soo not who I want to be.
All I want is to go back to everything I was a long time ago.
God, please show me how to live my life like You want me to live it.
Show me what the plan that You have for my life.
God, I want to be free of all this.
I can't do this alone.
I have no strength left.
Show me that its's okay to kind of branch out and even more- to branch out to You.
God, You have always said that Your word will never return void.
God, I need Your Word in my life--now--even more than ever!!
God I am so torn and so broken.
I need You to show me or tell me whatever it is that I need to do.
God, please!!
Tell me that its's all gonna be okay.
God, I feel like it's the world against me.
God, I DREAD coming to practice and coming to worship.
My heart is becoming so hard and so cold.
I am scared of what's gonna happen next.
All I need...actually I don't even know what it is that I need.
What I do know is that I am spiraling down the same self-destructive path I was on last semester.
God, I am so scared of where I am going to end up.
You gotta help me.
If there was ever such a thing as God...either spiritually and/or metaphorically... slapping you in the face...I think I found it.
Now I will never forget where I've been, but can now rest in the fact that it's behind me and I can go forward.
I never really pour my heart and soul out like this but this is one of rare times that I feel led to open up and share this.
2 years ago I was in the basement of the chapel at Bacone talking my spirituality and my relationship with God with someone who at times has probably wanted to throw a Bible at my head on more than one occassion, I'm sure.
2 years ago this certain person told me that I was at a crossroads in my walk with God. Put more specifically, I was essentially in my own Garden of Gethsemane.
2 years ago I was on a bridge...on one end: a little girl in Sunday School...on the other end...the woman of God that I so desperately wanted to be. Where was I? Well, I was somewhere in the middle.
2 years ago I was in one of the most demonic, darkest times of my life. We won't talk details but let's just say- the thought of taking the easy road out and signing away scholarships, withdraw forms, and saying "College isn't for me" was considered more than once during this period of 5 months where I wanted nothing to do with church or God.
2 years ago after this little chat, I went back to my dorm room, turned up the music and began setting about cleaning my room and re-decorating my bulletin board.
2 years ago upon changing out pictures on this bulletin board, I came across a letter to God I had written the Wednesday before.
The letter said:
Okay, Lord::
I am done with all of this!
I want to be totally free of all of this right now...right here and right now!!
Father, show me and lead me to get these chains off.
God, I want to go back to how things were before.
God, when I look in the mirror every morning, the girl I see is soo not who I want to be.
All I want is to go back to everything I was a long time ago.
God, please show me how to live my life like You want me to live it.
Show me what the plan that You have for my life.
God, I want to be free of all this.
I can't do this alone.
I have no strength left.
Show me that its's okay to kind of branch out and even more- to branch out to You.
God, You have always said that Your word will never return void.
God, I need Your Word in my life--now--even more than ever!!
God I am so torn and so broken.
I need You to show me or tell me whatever it is that I need to do.
God, please!!
Tell me that its's all gonna be okay.
God, I feel like it's the world against me.
God, I DREAD coming to practice and coming to worship.
My heart is becoming so hard and so cold.
I am scared of what's gonna happen next.
All I need...actually I don't even know what it is that I need.
What I do know is that I am spiraling down the same self-destructive path I was on last semester.
God, I am so scared of where I am going to end up.
You gotta help me.
If there was ever such a thing as God...either spiritually and/or metaphorically... slapping you in the face...I think I found it.
2 years ago, I sat at my desk in my room contemplating and reflecting on everything that was said and done that day. I wasn't sure what it was that I wanted at that time.
2 years ago it would have been an understatement to say that I was insecure in both my abilities and myself to really step up to the calling that God had placed on my life.
2 years ago, this chapter would end on March 17, 2010.
======================================================================
Fast forward to 2 years later.
Now I am more confident in who I am in God.
Now more than ever- I can hold my head up.
Now I will never forget where I've been, but can now rest in the fact that it's behind me and I can go forward.
Now I can openly talk about my struggles and not feel brought down or tempted by them.
Now I can say that God ultimately showed up and saved me from myself.
Now I can say that without God standing by me during that dark time 2 years ago, I honestly don't know where I would be today.
All I can say is that God is amazing. There are no other words to describe it.
He proved..then and now...that He will NEVER leave or forsake His children.
He taught me that even in all of my broknenness, He met me where I was and He welcomed me back with open arms.
That's my Daddy in Heaven.
That's my Provider.
That's my everything!!
**End**
He proved..then and now...that He will NEVER leave or forsake His children.
He taught me that even in all of my broknenness, He met me where I was and He welcomed me back with open arms.
That's my Daddy in Heaven.
That's my Provider.
That's my everything!!
**End**
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