There Goes My Life

Hey!

Okay so it has been some time since I’ve posted anything on this.

Because I am such an awesome blogger…I think it’s time for me to really open up about everything that’s happened this far this semester.

I will say that for those that are following me on Facebook, you pretty well know how I’ve felt about everything that’s happened this semester. It’s been a crazy ride.

Uhm…I know that I say a lot on my Facebook statuses and Tweets…but deep down, I really do love the praise team.

Even though I hate the leadership…or a lack thereof…I really do feel like I was born to worship.

As much as I love to worship and as much as I love my friends on the praise team…I feel like I’m stuck in a life that I did not agree to.

I feel like I’m losing myself more and more each day.

It sucks that a ministry group could cause this much drama and this much crap.

It sucks that I feel deep in my heart that the more I stay with this group, the more and more I feel like I am totally losing control of who I am and who I really want to be.

It sucks even more that a group that is supposed to help me become a better and stronger Christian woman is instead making me more and more bitter and all the more jaded.

I feel like it’s forming me into someone that I don’t even recognize.

It sucks that after the past year and a half, when I look in the mirror, I don’t even recognize the girl that’s looking back at me.

It really sucks that this is where I am and this is really is definitely NOT a life that I would have chosen for myself.

As for whether or not that I would do another praise and worship group again, It’s debatable.

Sometimes I want to say…yes….other times…after experiencing all of the work that goes into a choir and all of that, I really don’t think that I would want to do something like this ever again.

Moving on from the “Taking a walk down memory lane” portion of this post….we take a giant leap to the present.

Okay so…

I will have to say…because of how worn-down I’ve become from all of this…and how I constantly feel like I’m being dragged down from all of this.

It sucks.

Because of all of this, I feel like there was some definite irreparable damage done.

Because of how far I feel like I was pushed this semester, I’ve begun the application process to Northeastern State.

I’ll get my decision letter this week.

I’m scared shitless.

This is gonna be a week that’s gonna be full of nerves, freak-out, and maybe some meltdowns thrown into the mix.

Mmmkayy..I think this is all I wanted to say at this point.

I’ll either add or post a new blog later in the week!!
Deuces!!

Peace out, Girl Scout!!

 

The Reconciliation of a College Student

Hey...so for those that have been following my blog..you may have noticed how one-sided and bitter I may have seemed.

After taking a month or so deciding whether or not I was going to make this public....

I have decided that I am NOT going to make it as public as I had originally planned. There are several reasons for this.

The main reason being that the only reason I even started this was based solely on my own bitterness and therefore, was doing it straight up out of spite.

After spending a semester at Bacone..I have decided that even though there have been a lot of problems with the praise team and the academic leadership..or lack thereof..at said upper education establishment...I've come to the realization that I was doing this blog for all of the wrong reasons.

Like I said, I was doing this just as an 'In your face' type of thing.

After spending a lot of time soul searching and going over and over in my mind about what to do and whether or not I was gonna go through with posting this blog URL to my Facebook page...the ending result being a question that I kept asking myself...

"If I post this on Facebook...what am I really trying to prove?"

Am I doing this just to..in my mind..retaliate...or..am I really doing this to move forward from all that I had to deal with my last few months at Family of Faith?

At the end of the day, I realized that if I do make it public and if I do make it known that this is something that I have been hiding for so many months, I would just be feeding into my own bitterness and at the same time...Hell...that's all I would be doing. hahaha.

So...as for the fact that I did nothing constructive/productive in this blog other than just talking in circles....

I'm more than likely gonna end it here...

So take it for what it's worth....hahaha.

Peace out, Girl scout!