March 17, 2010- 2 Years of Healing

"It's well past midnight and I've got questions that won't wait for daylight. Separating fact from my imaginary fiction, on this shelf of my conviction. I need to find a place where You and I come face to face."


First off:: allow me to be totally open...This is something I never do.


I never really pour my heart and soul out like this but this is one of rare times that I feel led to open up and share this.


2 years ago, a good friend told me that I was at a crossroads in my walk with God. Put more specifically, I was essentially in my own Garden of Gethsemane.


2 years ago, I was on a bridge...on one end: a little girl in Sunday School...on the other end...the woman of God that I so desperately wanted to be. Where was I? Well, I was somewhere in the middle.


2 years ago, I was in one of the most demonic, darkest times of my life. We won't talk details but let's just say- the thought of taking the easy road out and signing away scholarships, withdraw forms, and saying "College isn't for me" was considered more than once during this period of 5 months where I wanted nothing to do with church or God.
2 years ago tonight, right around the time I'm typing this...I was sitting in Bacone's chapel repenting for everything that was said and done during afore mentioned 5-month period.


2 years ago, God stepped in and changed my life.


2 years ago tonight, I re-dedicated my life and heart to God.


2 years ago tonight, my Facebook status said:


"God, I know You are putting me through a test of faith right now. God, I know that I haven’t been very obedient lately. God, this is not something I want to continue. God, no matter what, You get all the praise. God, I am so, so grateful that You changed my heart and gave my attitude an overall makeover. To those of you in my life, just know that I love you guys very much and I am so grateful that God placed you in my life. God, thank You so much for taking me back as Your child and showing me that I really DO need You to survive!! **I lift my eyes onto the hills..where does my help come from?? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth!!”


2 years ago tonight, God saved me from myself.
  
                                                      Flash forward 2 years later.....



Now I am more confident in who I am in God.

Now more than ever- I can hold my head up.

Now I will never forget where I've been, but can now rest in the fact that it's behind me and I can go forward.

Now I can openly talk about my struggles and not feel brought down or tempted by them.

Now I can say that God ultimately showed up and saved me from myself.

Now I can say that without God standing by me during that dark time 2 years ago, I honestly don't know where I would be today.

All I can say is that God is amazing. There are no other words to describe it.


He proved..then and now...that He will NEVER leave or forsake His children.


He taught me that even in all of my broknenness, He met me where I was and He welcomed me back with open arms.


He is my Daddy in Heaven.


He is my Provider.


He is my Everything.


It's been a long road the past 2 years but with Him at my side, there's nothing I can't do.


Even now in this trial with having a broken ankle-- He has shown me that His grace is sufficient and like always, He will stand by me and get me through this.


So...there's really nothing left to say....


Be blessed peeps and I'll see ya next time!!
Byee!!