Here we are now
Everything's about to change
We face tomorrow
As we say good-bye to yesterday
A chapter ending but the story's
Only just begun
A page is turning for everyone
So I'm moving on
Letting go
Holding on to tomorrow
I've always got the memories
While I'm finding out
Who I'm gonna be
We mught be apart but
I hope you'll always know
You'll be with me
Wherever I go
So excited
I can barely even catch my breath
We have each other
To lean on for the road ahead
A happy ending
Is the start of all our dreams
And I know your heart is with me
So I'm moving on
Letting go
Holding on to tomorrow
I've always got the memories
While I finding out who I'm gonna be
We might be apart but
I hope you'll always know
You'll be with me
Wherever I go
It's time to show the world
That we've got something to say
A song to sing out loud
We'll never fade away
I know I'll miss you
But we'll meet again someday
So I'm moving on
Letting go
Holding on to tomorrow
I've always got the memories
While I'm finding out who I'm gonna be
We might be apart
But I hope you'll always know
You'll be with me
Wherever I go
So I'm moving on
Letting go
Holding on to tomorrow
I've always got the memories
While I find out
Who I'm gonna be
We might be apart
But I hope you'll always know
You'll be with me
Wherever I go
Wherever I go
Wherever I go
Wherever I go
Okay so I had my US History final this morning, came back, crashed...studied for Theology..and here I am now..it is 7:35 on Tuesday night and I go home Thursday for good.
And yes..I did seriously just quote a Hannah Whoretana..er..Montana song.
Don't judge me!! LOL!!
Right now I'm munching on a delish salad and studying for my Theology II final tomorrow night.
I've gotta say..it feels so weird that tomorrow is gonna be it. Tomorrow will be my last night in Shawnee forever.
Tomorrow will be my last night sleeping in that bed. Sleeping in this room.
This will be one of the final journal entries written in this room.
It feels so weird that when I go home Thursday morning, my blog will be hella blown up with all the entries I've written the past few months that will be finally made public.
Looking back, I know ther were so many things that I would have done differently. Even though I swore up and down that I wasn't gonna leave this place with regrets...With as many things that I would do differently..There are twice as many things that I've done at Family of Faith that I unfortunately DO regret doing.
It pisses me off to know that there were things that went on this year that shouldn't have and there are things that didn't happen that should.
God. It freaking sucks that I have essentially wasted this whole year..and what do I have to show for it? Absolutely nothing.
Honest to God...I really do feel like this year was a total waste. Nothing changd. If anything, I think I'm more screwed up now than I was when I came in. In all honesty...I do feel like I was brain washed into coming here. I feel like when I came here, everyone was supportive..but when it all comes down to it..when I needed support...no one was there for me. I have never felt so alone or alienated ever in my life. I feel like no one was really here for me. I feel like I was essentially being set up to fail since fucking day one!!
It hurts me to know that if I hadn't of been so caught up in everything that happened with the praise team and all of that senseless and useless crap..I could have just been a semester behind.
Hell..I could have possibly been a junior by now.
It makes me sick to know that this whole year has been a waste..
Academically..I've accomplished nothing.
Spiritually...I'm the same as when I came.
The really sad part about this whole thing is that the only thing I HAVE accomplished is the fact that Ict of being away from the parents for a year kind of made me realize that I needed to be out on my own.
When I was at home, I felt stuck and I wasn't growing and I wasn't developing...
Being out on my own..I had to do it and I wanted t odo it.
On another aspect..I will definitely miss my friends and classmates. To tell you the truth...
even this morning during the final..I wanted to break into tears because of the fact that the majoity of the people in that room were pople that I would never see again. Thank God for texting and Facebook.
That's all I gotta say.
After said brutal final..
I went up to the library and saw 2 seniors. As we were leaving to go to the dorms...I had to say goodbye to them.
I was fighting tears so bad you don't even know.
We hugged and aside from almost becoming an emotional wreck, it was time to go.
I know that this is just the etip of the iceburg and the tears are yet to come.
Seeing everyone in class tomorrow night is gonna be hell.
It's gonna friggin' suck saying goodbye because that's it. This is the end.
This is definitely the end of the road.
Tomorrow is the end of this adventure.
First thing thursday morning, I'm packing the last of my stuff and going home for the next chapter of my life.
I guess you could say that this is a definite modern day version of the Prodigal Son.
I'm going home where I know that God wants me and where I belong.
I've come to the conclusion that even though I am grateful that I was given a chance to be here, I know that I wasn't meant to stay here longer than I had planned. To quote LT "Just come home...it's time to come home..just come home".
If there's one thing that I've learned by being here for a year..it's that you never know what you've got until it's gone.
Family of Faith..to some extent, I'll miss you.
Bacone, I love you with all my heart and I'm ready to see what shenanigans you and I get into this summer and fall.
Let's rock, baby!
On a lighter note..it feels so weird that this adventure is over.
It seems like 2 weeks ago I was moving in and now I'm getting ready to move out..or..finish..moving out..either way..hahaha.
It's so crazy how fast the time flies.
I honestly thought that when it catually came down to the days of me moving out..I would wonder that if I could go back and doi it all again...would I?
The answer: Undecided.
Part of me wants to say "Yes, I would."
Another part fo me says "If I could, how would I know that I would make different decisions and not just make the same ones over again and make more mistakes, waste more time and money"...and for an education that I could get elsewhere with people who actually care if I succeed and who are there to laugh with me and cry with me when I fall fall short.
This is why I love Bacone.
Even with all of the immorality...at least the people at Bacone really do have your best interests at heart.
Whereas..I didn't get that feeling at Family of Faith.
It seems like you'e being set up to fail from the second you walk in the door.
I honestly feel like I was nothing but a number.
Nothing but a paycheck.
I've said it before and I will say it again:: I really do feel like I've joined a cult.
It hurts me because as much as I want to defend the school...I cannot in good conscience recommend this college to anyone at this point and time of my existence.
It sucks but it is what it is.
I hate it.
I hate constantly being torn down and bitched at for every little thing because my faith isn't strong enough and I was never good enough.
I hated the meetings every God damn day about how a low test grade was equal to "Slapping God in the face".
I hate being told that I'm not good enough.
Most of all..I hate the "Holier than thou" bull shit that I've had to put up with every damn day since I've been here.
It sucks.
I've let one man dictate every little thing I do all my life and I will be DAMNED if I let someone else do the same damn thing.
I hate how everyone gets so involved in my personal life with phone calls and texts out the ying yang.
I swear on all that is mother effing holy...
I honest to God do feel like I was kind of forced into coming here.
I swear to God...Show me someone who is so damn close to godliness that can prophesy!!
Ughh..I swear that I will regret the day I came here every day for the rest of my life.
I will NEVER MAKE THIS DECISION AGAIN EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mark. My. Words.
Soo...there you have a year's worth of venting..now that that's all said and done...
I feel a lot better about everything.
Peace Out, Girl Scout!
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